New life...in progress!

What to do in 2012?

I am already thinking of what to do next year.

I hope GOD will allow me to correct everything I made wrong this 2011.

Starting today...I promise myself not to depend my future to anyone else. I almost throw my life for someone, yet he decided to leave me without notice. It hurts but maybe this was a way for me to see that I deserve much better and to have the best in life.

I'm not going to make any resolutions this year...but I have one promise to myself...that is treat each day as if it were my last, enjoy every moment and continue to stand still no matter what storm hits me!

I may fall in love again next year, definitely to a new man...someone who will love me for who I am and will be my confidant in everything.

I will start to study again, but maybe I'll shift my career temprarily. It is still in the office, but a bit different and I need to equipped myself in every knowledge and skills that I could get from this academy I'm aiming for.

Hopefully, after 4 or 6 months I will finally see my dream. I know and I feel that I am destined for something BIG. So in order to achieved that dream I have to work hard and put aside my pride to get what I wished for.

For now I have to take that tiny little steps that will lead me to my NEW LIFE!

This is the beginning...

hello!!!

I've been away for quite a while because I'm busy with work and most of the time I spend my spare time sleeping. Seriously, this is becoming a habit now...hehe

I had my first check up last saturday in MMC, the result turn out good and the doctor told me that everything is cleared though I still need to continue my "treatment" for one more week just to avoid any lapses. She's surprised because I had fast recovery, and this made me happy because this haunted me for months and I must say that all the pain is worth it. I could go on with my life now without any worries.

So as a gift for myself, I went to my fave salon for a manicure and pedicure, this time I chose a Revlon "wine" nail polish and it's so beautifuulllll.... ;)

This is just the beginning of all the beautiful things that will happen to me from this day foward. I've learned so much these past few months and its time to put an end to all the drama.

By the way, no more Facebook for me, its been 2 months since I decided to close my account because I chose to be more private this time. Yes, I'd like to still keep in touch with my friends but I guess I'll do it in the "real world".

Goodbye for now...till my next blog.

Ciao!

Training day2

I fall asleep for 15 minutes during the course of the training...good thing I'm sitting at the back and I don't have any seatmate.

All theories and little hands on makes be bored and sleepy....hehe

training mode

I went early to work today because of the  training.


The transition from one system to another is quite a challenge but I'm excited because all the manual and tedious work will be lessen tremendoulsy.


I must say that this new learnings help me appreciate more how efficient GSAP is and how effective it is to have the newest version of accounting software.

Love Notes

We all fall in love, and there are times that we love so much that we lose our self in our own emotions. More often than not we wonder why there are love that grows and love that grows cold. We would start to search for some answers, and try to find where love has gone wrong. But in the end, we find ourselves where we started. We cannot question love when it has its own reasons. Love will always be as it always has been… silent, mysterious, and deeply profound.

Many of us believe that love is forever, that love never dies, only to be dissolution in the end when we find our hands empty and our hearts longing. We have mistakenly have looked at love as a need to be fulfilled, but love is only a gift given to us… we should not hold it in our hands for we may never find the strength to let it go when it decides to leave. We should only embrace its warmth and glow while it lasts, and then freely open our arms when it’s time to say goodbye.

 

When we fall in love with someone, we don’t want that feeling to end, for it is everything we are and everything that we wanted to be. We pray that love will stay and grow in our hearts; but if it doesn’t then we should never let our life taken by it, for life should not end when heart ache begin. There is always a reason why we have to move on, when we say goodbye to the feelings we wanted to stay forever let us not wave our hands with a heavy heart, for love will have to set its wings free and find a place where it belongs. We may have lost it, but then again when we close our eyes and listens to the echoes of our hearts we will hear that feeling resounding silently forever – then we will know that it has never left us, for the good that we have become because of love. It will always stay, it will always be there reminding us that we should be thankful and happy not because we have lost love but because for once in our lives that feeling lived in our hearts and made us happy.

When we truly love someone we give our best and we let that person see the pureness of our intentions. But sometimes that person makes us cry and hurts us for the wrong reason. That person must have loved us, but he/she does not love us to make us understand what he/she truly felt. Now we faced a seemingly impossible task… forgetting. We have burdened ourselves long enough, but we still can’t get out of this emotional trap. Let us remember that the more we try to forget someone we love, the more painful letting go we become. Sometimes we never have to take that person out in our heart at all, for he/she will always be there, no matter how hard we drive him/her away. It isn’t his/her presence that makes this difficult, it is our stubbornness to accept our destiny that aligns forgetting next to impossible. We keep a cold face but deep inside in our heart, there is still that lingering hope for reconciliation. Somehow we still believe that we can rekindle small embers and relight the fire that once burn in our hearts. These thoughts give us hopes, but it also breeds the seeds of loneliness in despair. The only way to forget is to accept and the only way to move on is to look ahead and let the footprints of the past be blown by the wind of time… only then can our hearts can find a partner in the dance of life and hopefully never get lost. 

Goodbye letter for Honey!

Hi Honey,

I am writing to say goodbye.

Don’t get me wrong. You have made me happy by sharing yourself and your life with me. The memories will stay in my heart forever.

At the same time you have managed to keep my feet on the ground, always reminding me that my life is my own and no one else’s. You taught me how to fully comprehend what real love is and to make me see how two incompatible persons can actually become real friends and true lovers.

We dreamed together!

Laughed together!

Whenever I needed your comfort and strength, you were always there for me.

Our relationship has gone through a lot of things but we were able to weather the storms together, mainly because we knew how to properly steer the relationship back to its proper course.

I guess the only thing that went wrong is falling in love with you, and the accompanying issues of where this relationship is really headed to and the roles that we both play in each other’s lives.

No one is to blame. Neither you, nor me…maybe I’m just a victim of circumstances like you. And since the circumstances surrounding our relationship have changed, I don’t anymore know if I can handle things the same way I’ve handled them before.

Your presence and your help will not matter anymore. I have to heal my wounds alone.

I will miss you. I will miss you very, very, very much. I’m not as tough as I thought I would be. But I will try so hard to be strong… I do not want to do this but I must.

You told me time and again to expect the worse, or assume the worst, so that when the time comes I’ll be ready. But the expectations and assumptions are different to reality and I’m caught off guard.

I love you so much it hurts to say goodbye. But I am ashamed to admit that no matter how much I love you, no matter how deep my feelings already are for you, I cannot stay in the relationship anymore and fight for you, for us. What is there to fight for? A future with you which looks very uncertain? It is difficult to stay and fight when you don’t know what it is you’re fighting for.

I know and I acknowledge that I am fully to blame for everything. I was forewarned. I knew what I was getting myself into. I thought you could shelter me forever----that you would be careful this time and that I wouldn’t get hurt. But the carelessness on your end and too much snooping at my end seemed to be lethal.

You will forever be a part of my life, thank you for making me a part of yours. I will always remember you and the past months with a smile.

You have been the love of my life without me expecting it. Maybe when our paths meet again, the wounds are healed and we’re both happy.

I have to go now...GOODBYE!

Sound of a Broken Heart by Westlife

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDZ1o5cSsNY

In so many ways I tried to reach you
And I don't know why I couldn't get through
When I tried so hard to break your guard
Didn't know it would leave this scar
Leave this scar
Now I've made it this far
And the pain isn't over
But the sun keeps on risin'
And I keep getting stronger

I never thought that I'd survive you
But I will be free
And there'll be so many nights I gotta get through
But now I see

You'll never be the end of me, no
'Cause when my world fell apart
And I didn't know where to start
I heard the sound of a broken heart
(I still feel the pain)
I heard the sound of a broken heart
(It still beats the same)

When will the world start spinnin'? Yeah yeah
And what happened to my happy ending? No
Learning what it takes to turn this page
Didn't know how to walk away, walk away

Now I've made it this far
And the pain isn't over
But the sun keeps on risin'
And I keep getting stronger

I never thought that I'd survive you
But I will be free
And there'll be so many nights I gotta get through
But now I see

You'll never be the end of me, no
'Cause when my world fell apart
And I didn't know where to start
I heard the sound of a broken heart
(I still feel the pain)
I heard the sound of a broken heart
(It still beats the same)

And I won't stay down
I know my heart's still beating
'Cause I hear the sound tellin' me I'm alright
Tellin' me to move on

I never thought that I'd survive you
But I will be free
There'll be so many nights I gotta get through
But now I see

You'll never be the end of me, no
'Cause when my world fell apart
And I didn't know where to start
I heard the sound of a broken heart
(I still feel the pain)
I heard the sound of a broken heart
(It still beats the same)

Still feel the pain for you
Still beats the same
Still feel the pain for you
Still beats the same
Still feel the pain for you
Still beats the same

HE did it...AGAIN!!!

I did not opened my facebook account for a month now...the main reason is...I don't want to check his account. Lets face it, the temptation is so strong and I am not yet 100% ok. BUT...I'm trying to move forward, deal with the pain and forget everything.

Again, my insticts are working today....I opened my FB and there it is...one friend down... he deleted me in his friends list. He's so immature. Honestly, I knew this would happened but not so soooon!

I'm just sad that it had to end this way!

Now I have no choice but to let you go.

This is it!


No turning back!


No regrets!


They say time heals all wounds...lets see!


They say everything happens for a reason...though I just can't see it now, I m hoping that when that time comes, I could finally say, "thank you for letting me go"


For now, I hope this song will help me get through this dark path faster.


When the Last Teardrops Falls
by Blake


It's so hard to lose the one you love
To finally have to say goodbye
You try to be strong but the pain keeps holdin' on
And all that you can do is cry
Deep within your heart you know it's time to move on
When the fairy tale that you once knew is gone

[Chorus:]
When the last tear drop falls
I'll still be holdin' on to all of our memories
And all of what used to be

When the last tear drop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you're here with me in my heart
When the last tear drop falls

So now I'm alone and life keeps movin' on
But my destination still unknown, oh yeah
Will there be a time when I'll fall in love again?
When I was meant to walk these streets alone
If there was just one wish I could be granted here tonight
It would be to have you right back by my side

Now it's time for me to find my happiness again
And the emptiness from missin' you
Will never ever end, baby


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB1xS0UqtHo